Redeemed

Greetings, It's been a while.  I do journal a lot, but I haven't blogged lately.  I'm learning that I need to pour out and share about my life.  I may be one small person with a seemingly insignificant life, but I am still able to make a difference.  "Small acts with great love."...Mother Theresa. It's becoming winter in Minnesota, freshly fallen snow outside here which is our trademark.  I'm on the Oak Hills campus where I was cuddled up to the propane fireplace which at least looks real.  I'll take what I can get.  It's pretty nice to go to a school where you can cuddle up by a fireplace in a blanket in a public building.  This place has become my home. I think wherever you go, it becomes part of you and you become part of it.  You never stay the same.  I will always have a little bit of Texas in me with the heat, red dirt, Indian paintbrushes and other beautiful flowers, and all the beautiful friendships I made there.  I t...

Wow.  So today is a good day.  It's Mother's Day!            I'm really realizing how much I need family and I need to have a base and people to be connected with.  A lot of times I'm just trying to help others and do things for that, but I hardly ever let them like pour into me and be like a family or really talk about things.  I think a hard thing about the Honor Academy is learning so much but not really having a place to pour it out.  For example just having people to tell what you are learning and how your day was.  Of course telling those things to God, but even time with God is like being poured into and not you pouring out.  I don't know if this makes sense, but anyway.  I have to learn to "build community" in like being connected with people for real and having a base to jump off of before I think I can go make a big impact on the world.       ...

Life has been a journey lately.  I'm moving towards healing and learning to trust God more.  Pray for me that I will turn to God in the hard times.  I'm written a few songs and poems lately to express myself which has also been healing.   Be Filled Inside You have to be filled from the inside out. External things will never satisfy your soul. Daughter, take a break. Step beyond your own perceptions. Lord turn us from darkness to light. Fill us Holy Spirit with your presence. Bring us new life! We need fresh anointing in our souls! Put your hope in the eternal God. Don't trust in earthly love. Only the God of love can fill you. He will heal your wounded soul, making you whole-- when you turn to him.   Hands of Healing Your hands to hold  reach out and touch me, brushing hair from my eyes, warmth on my cheek. There are hands full of color and clay to paint and create. Mothering hands gently caress ...

Renew My Strength  (November 2014) The love of God falls like rain on a tin roof plinking softly, speaking comfort. The Lord has a still small voice, listen to his wisdom. Lord, I want to abandon my cares to you. Renew my strength and my spirit. Through these struggles keep me whole. I am undone. I've been wasting away inside. My heart desires you, but I don't know how to let go of my own will. I need to trust you. Fill me with your peace. I loosen my grasp and surrender. Thank you Lord Jesus.  Amen. False Assurance (January 2015) "Peace and safety," they say. Worldly security is an illusion. This world is uncertain. Only Christ is our Rock. People will fail us and aggravate us- That's not going to change. What needs to change is our hearts, letting the love of God shine in. Only when we come to the end of ourselves do we encounter the Living God. Lean on His strength! Our God is fierce, a consuming fire, but GOOD! Our God ...

The Lord holds me gently. His love is like a plush armchair. I sink into comfort, laying it all down. Setting down a heavy load. I don't have to think, I can drift away. Musing gently over life, things will be okay. The hard times shape us, we learn to overcome. What is good?  What is true? This can be our focus. Help us to forgive, and focus on how we live. Let love shine even from broken, hideous places. Burn away the anger and the fear. Wipe away my every tear. I love you Jesus. Thank you for holding me.   

Song I wrote last night:   "Falling Through the Cracks" I've been busy... losing myself. Don't know quite what to do. So much worry, always in a hurry. Can't stop being blue. You don't have to worry, or be in a hurry. Child I'm here for you. You're stressing over something,  when it's really nothing. I wish you could see what I do... I love you. I never take a break except to have a little heartbreak. I don't stop to breathe for real. I don't know what to do cuz part of me is falling through the cracks. Time passes by and I never know quite why I can't speak up for myself. Life flies by, so many missed chances. Lord I need your help. I'm falling to pieces with a smile on my face. I'm laughing when I should cry. Somehow I don't know when to give up or when I need to try. I feel really pathetic hiding my emotions, my talents my time, all I do. I'm tired of being a loner, but I'm afrai...

Life has been busy lately... mostly it's easy to slip into complacency, thinking what does it matter if I reach out, go the extra mile, seek God or not?  Sometimes I miss the early days of my faith.  I was so broken and raw before God.  I had nothing but Him to hold me.  As I get older and have more of a predictable, secure, if sometimes monotonous and unsure existence it is harder to trust in God. I remember when I would wear skirts no matter the temperature.  I just wanted to be colorful and free.  I still am that person inside.  I was walking the other day and slipped on the ice, slightly scraping my knee through my tights.  It's dangerous to wear a skirt in the midst of slippery ice.  It's dangerous to be a free spirit in a slippery world. I am very introspective at times, writing in my journal so fast I can barely understand it.  But it is so hard to get out of my head, push myself to give myself to God when it's easier to stay...