Today... erg crazy days....
So, I'm back at school now. It was really nice to be on break.
Now I'm back and dealing with all the relational and stress issues again. I wish some people would just grow up. It frustrates me when I'm here doing what I'm supposed to, listening to my teachers, etc. Then there's people here who just leave in the middle of classes, cheat on their work, complain over every bit of homework, call classes boring and complain about teachers, don't care about chapel, put themselves before others, are rude and disrespectful, act like life's just a good time and a big joke. It's not funny. I'm not going to goof around my whole life on someone else's money when there's people starving and broken around the world.
Maybe some people don't get it that their actions have consequences, that if they are passive and stupid it's going to boomerang. Some people get the whole "karma" thing and they don't even know Jesus. Other people take his grace for granted, but it won't be without consequence. There have been so many screwy people and guys in my life that it's hard for me to even reach out to good people. Then sometimes I'll really trust someone and they let me down. Wow. It hurts so bad. I'm starting to get out of my bubble and try to reach out and do good things. Or I get down on myself and I'm fighting that. I'm glad that I'm actually really pretty because it helps me not to feel too bad about myself. But I still get on myself about eating really healthy and frustrated I don't have time to exercise more. I worry about my zits. I want to lose like 3 lbs or something but it doesn't really matter. I want to not spend too much money on myself because I want to help other people but I like to buy yarn so that I can de-stress. I want to be pure and holy. It helps me to write, but most of my papers are research papers and they are just kind of tedious. It's fine though. I have to type up my Jeremiah paper.
I'm actually pretty tired now from crying and throwing that basketball at the wall in my anger. I'll try to find something for dinner. It kinda hard going vegetarian for dinner. I want real food, but it usually has meat in it. It makes me mad. I then crave lasanga lasagna lasagna. Om nom nom. Or a good keith's pizza w/ plenty of vegetables. Why can't people understand that we share the same humanity and they ought to be respectful?!!! I joined the wednesday small group about the Voice of the Martyrs. I think that'll be real good. It's good to pray. Stupid dairy in every good tasty meal. Stupid it's so hard to really eat healthy, it's like there's not enough choices so I don't eat enough and I'm cranky. I had coffee w/ creamer and sugar. The additives aren't good... I was going to eat an orange but I left my food because I was angry. I just want to go eat somewhere and vent about my life. I like going to counseling. It is helpful because I don't get so angry at myself. My arms kinda hurt sometimes and I just want that to go away. I don't want to be angry at myself. I don't want to spend all my time on homework. I want to have fun with my life.
I miss baking and stuff. I think sometimes I'd rather just cook myself, but that takes time too... that I don't have... dang it. I wanted to buy this big stuffed soft lamb animal but I didn't because it's stupid unethical Walmart. Stupid. I don't know what to do my controversial paper on. Food additives? We all know they're bad. Companies just do it anyway. People assume it's fine whatever. I don't drink pop anymore. Know why? Because I don't want to support that diabetes factory. Or McDiabetes (McDonalds). I basically only like to eat out at maybe 4 places at the most. Because they actually have healthy options. It's the ones that are foreign. Surprise to the health epidemic America. QDoba has some good health options and so does the Chinese food places as long as you don't eat there too often. I'd rather skip dinner than eat a cheeseburger honestly. All nast animal and fakey cheese fat, mayo, and empty carbs. At least from fast food. They empty out all of the nutrition because it's cheaper that way. You could have a great turkey burger on some good, whole grain bread with light mayo or something. I don't know. Just I'm angry. I actually want to lead a healthy life. Sometimes it's just frustrating and I eat oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches and fruit, and trailmix. I don't even buy the trail mix with chocolate or chocolate milk because of cocoa slavery. That's why I don't want to buy from Walmart. They probably use all the "cheap labor" in China and India. You know what that is? Valuing those people's lives as cheap and disposable. We take advantage of other people's poverty just because it's so simple to do that. We act like there's no remedy. Well, there are, we just gotta search a little deeper. And quit just talking about vampires and zombies which don't even exist!!! You're just trying to escape the mess you're making!!!
I feel like my life is meant for someplace way simpler. Like warm temperatures that are mild. The ocean nearby. Lots of children around. Lots of sunlight. Lots of music. Art. Doing hands on work.
Um. I live in MN. But this is where my family is. I just don't really like extreme temperatures. I'm extreme in my emotional being enough. I feel like I cry too much and I put too much on myself. I need to spend more time with God and hang out with people I like. I like to vent and be mentored and read lots but I barely read books I want to. All research papers. It's interesting but more difficult.
I really want to go to ATF next weekend. I gotta find a ride there and back to the cities. Hmm. I hope so. I want to see my Honor Academy family!!!
Dear God, please help me to lean on you and not just be mad at myself and frustrated at other people. I just hate feeling so helpless in the midst of a lot of junk. Help me to renew my mind and love others. I love you so much God. Amen.
Now I'm back and dealing with all the relational and stress issues again. I wish some people would just grow up. It frustrates me when I'm here doing what I'm supposed to, listening to my teachers, etc. Then there's people here who just leave in the middle of classes, cheat on their work, complain over every bit of homework, call classes boring and complain about teachers, don't care about chapel, put themselves before others, are rude and disrespectful, act like life's just a good time and a big joke. It's not funny. I'm not going to goof around my whole life on someone else's money when there's people starving and broken around the world.
Maybe some people don't get it that their actions have consequences, that if they are passive and stupid it's going to boomerang. Some people get the whole "karma" thing and they don't even know Jesus. Other people take his grace for granted, but it won't be without consequence. There have been so many screwy people and guys in my life that it's hard for me to even reach out to good people. Then sometimes I'll really trust someone and they let me down. Wow. It hurts so bad. I'm starting to get out of my bubble and try to reach out and do good things. Or I get down on myself and I'm fighting that. I'm glad that I'm actually really pretty because it helps me not to feel too bad about myself. But I still get on myself about eating really healthy and frustrated I don't have time to exercise more. I worry about my zits. I want to lose like 3 lbs or something but it doesn't really matter. I want to not spend too much money on myself because I want to help other people but I like to buy yarn so that I can de-stress. I want to be pure and holy. It helps me to write, but most of my papers are research papers and they are just kind of tedious. It's fine though. I have to type up my Jeremiah paper.
I'm actually pretty tired now from crying and throwing that basketball at the wall in my anger. I'll try to find something for dinner. It kinda hard going vegetarian for dinner. I want real food, but it usually has meat in it. It makes me mad. I then crave lasanga lasagna lasagna. Om nom nom. Or a good keith's pizza w/ plenty of vegetables. Why can't people understand that we share the same humanity and they ought to be respectful?!!! I joined the wednesday small group about the Voice of the Martyrs. I think that'll be real good. It's good to pray. Stupid dairy in every good tasty meal. Stupid it's so hard to really eat healthy, it's like there's not enough choices so I don't eat enough and I'm cranky. I had coffee w/ creamer and sugar. The additives aren't good... I was going to eat an orange but I left my food because I was angry. I just want to go eat somewhere and vent about my life. I like going to counseling. It is helpful because I don't get so angry at myself. My arms kinda hurt sometimes and I just want that to go away. I don't want to be angry at myself. I don't want to spend all my time on homework. I want to have fun with my life.
I miss baking and stuff. I think sometimes I'd rather just cook myself, but that takes time too... that I don't have... dang it. I wanted to buy this big stuffed soft lamb animal but I didn't because it's stupid unethical Walmart. Stupid. I don't know what to do my controversial paper on. Food additives? We all know they're bad. Companies just do it anyway. People assume it's fine whatever. I don't drink pop anymore. Know why? Because I don't want to support that diabetes factory. Or McDiabetes (McDonalds). I basically only like to eat out at maybe 4 places at the most. Because they actually have healthy options. It's the ones that are foreign. Surprise to the health epidemic America. QDoba has some good health options and so does the Chinese food places as long as you don't eat there too often. I'd rather skip dinner than eat a cheeseburger honestly. All nast animal and fakey cheese fat, mayo, and empty carbs. At least from fast food. They empty out all of the nutrition because it's cheaper that way. You could have a great turkey burger on some good, whole grain bread with light mayo or something. I don't know. Just I'm angry. I actually want to lead a healthy life. Sometimes it's just frustrating and I eat oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches and fruit, and trailmix. I don't even buy the trail mix with chocolate or chocolate milk because of cocoa slavery. That's why I don't want to buy from Walmart. They probably use all the "cheap labor" in China and India. You know what that is? Valuing those people's lives as cheap and disposable. We take advantage of other people's poverty just because it's so simple to do that. We act like there's no remedy. Well, there are, we just gotta search a little deeper. And quit just talking about vampires and zombies which don't even exist!!! You're just trying to escape the mess you're making!!!
I feel like my life is meant for someplace way simpler. Like warm temperatures that are mild. The ocean nearby. Lots of children around. Lots of sunlight. Lots of music. Art. Doing hands on work.
Um. I live in MN. But this is where my family is. I just don't really like extreme temperatures. I'm extreme in my emotional being enough. I feel like I cry too much and I put too much on myself. I need to spend more time with God and hang out with people I like. I like to vent and be mentored and read lots but I barely read books I want to. All research papers. It's interesting but more difficult.
I really want to go to ATF next weekend. I gotta find a ride there and back to the cities. Hmm. I hope so. I want to see my Honor Academy family!!!
Dear God, please help me to lean on you and not just be mad at myself and frustrated at other people. I just hate feeling so helpless in the midst of a lot of junk. Help me to renew my mind and love others. I love you so much God. Amen.
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