Quiet Renewal
Good evening,
It is a quiet night. I have recently moved into a new place. I am enjoying being on my own, although it can be lonely at times.
I just did a few dishes and tidied up. I enjoy having a quiet space to myself to clear my thoughts. I tend to overstress so it is good to take breaks. I recently joined Tae Kwon Do and that has been a really good outlet for me. It feels good to be working toward new goals and learning new things. I'm a process of growth there is happiness.
I am also getting into a routine of a new job I started. I'm having to learn to balance this new responsibility without taking too much on at my other job.
I got to meet a friend at a coffee shop today which was refreshing. I talked about finding it really hard to rely on other people and taking on a lot of anxiety. I think I have the anxiety because it is a mental process I do of taking it on. It may be my tendency but it is an external stress that I am internalizing. The good part about this is that if I am taking ON anxiety I can also take it OFF. It's the people pleasing and worry that I can be aware of and then make a decision. Is this helpful? Is this rational? Can I ask for help with this? If only it were that easy. If I don't want to be treated like a doormat, quit lying on the ground (metaphorically).
Anyway, sitting in church on Sunday realizing how much I had been comparing myself lately, I felt the Lord say, "I do not value you any less." I focus on my wrongdoing- why? I honestly don't know because it's not really doing me any good. But God looks at my heart. "You are already enough. Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly, but don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. I am already enough for you. I am all that you cannot be. When you come to a limitation I am there."
So I have been trying to trust God through my limitations and fears. If (when) I am making mistakes I am trying and learning. And God will meet me there and bless my meager offerings. He can build mighty things with a Tiny Seed. So maybe there will be a seed that grows a tree, that someday becomes a haven, a nesting grounds for hope to take flight.
Thanks for listening all y'all and let me know how you deal with anxiety or striving. Be blessed, Jazzy.
To Be Known - Poem 10/8/18
I love to hear the sound of the rain
as it pitter patters on my window pane
I hear the sound of a lonely train--
the cry at night understands my pain
I've heard to be loved is to be known
and to be known is to be loved
What a hard thing-- to be known;
Living wide open as life is not your own
You are given to give
A life poured out to live
I'm the stillness you meet me here
bringing healing into my soul
I haven't paused to feel you near
I have been wrapped up right in self-protection
I doubt my worth, day by day
I compare and compare
Trying to hold it together
and act light as a feather.
Oh when the sorrows come to me--
They try to drown
I kick and fight to keep head above water.
I gulp, splash, burst up, I BREATHE!
Letting go of my strivings,
Laying down pride,
I'll lean on you
And take the hardships in sride.
God, you made me for glory
You haven't set me up to fail
Although I make mistakes daily
Your love will prevail
My limitations draw me to you
When I falter, you give me strength
Renew my Spirit
When I come to the end of myself you meet me there.
Thank you that you hear my prayer. Amen.
It is a quiet night. I have recently moved into a new place. I am enjoying being on my own, although it can be lonely at times.
I just did a few dishes and tidied up. I enjoy having a quiet space to myself to clear my thoughts. I tend to overstress so it is good to take breaks. I recently joined Tae Kwon Do and that has been a really good outlet for me. It feels good to be working toward new goals and learning new things. I'm a process of growth there is happiness.
I am also getting into a routine of a new job I started. I'm having to learn to balance this new responsibility without taking too much on at my other job.
I got to meet a friend at a coffee shop today which was refreshing. I talked about finding it really hard to rely on other people and taking on a lot of anxiety. I think I have the anxiety because it is a mental process I do of taking it on. It may be my tendency but it is an external stress that I am internalizing. The good part about this is that if I am taking ON anxiety I can also take it OFF. It's the people pleasing and worry that I can be aware of and then make a decision. Is this helpful? Is this rational? Can I ask for help with this? If only it were that easy. If I don't want to be treated like a doormat, quit lying on the ground (metaphorically).
Anyway, sitting in church on Sunday realizing how much I had been comparing myself lately, I felt the Lord say, "I do not value you any less." I focus on my wrongdoing- why? I honestly don't know because it's not really doing me any good. But God looks at my heart. "You are already enough. Seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly, but don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. I am already enough for you. I am all that you cannot be. When you come to a limitation I am there."
So I have been trying to trust God through my limitations and fears. If (when) I am making mistakes I am trying and learning. And God will meet me there and bless my meager offerings. He can build mighty things with a Tiny Seed. So maybe there will be a seed that grows a tree, that someday becomes a haven, a nesting grounds for hope to take flight.
Thanks for listening all y'all and let me know how you deal with anxiety or striving. Be blessed, Jazzy.
To Be Known - Poem 10/8/18
I love to hear the sound of the rain
as it pitter patters on my window pane
I hear the sound of a lonely train--
the cry at night understands my pain
I've heard to be loved is to be known
and to be known is to be loved
What a hard thing-- to be known;
Living wide open as life is not your own
You are given to give
A life poured out to live
I'm the stillness you meet me here
bringing healing into my soul
I haven't paused to feel you near
I have been wrapped up right in self-protection
I doubt my worth, day by day
I compare and compare
Trying to hold it together
and act light as a feather.
Oh when the sorrows come to me--
They try to drown
I kick and fight to keep head above water.
I gulp, splash, burst up, I BREATHE!
Letting go of my strivings,
Laying down pride,
I'll lean on you
And take the hardships in sride.
God, you made me for glory
You haven't set me up to fail
Although I make mistakes daily
Your love will prevail
My limitations draw me to you
When I falter, you give me strength
Renew my Spirit
When I come to the end of myself you meet me there.
Thank you that you hear my prayer. Amen.
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