Life...life...life.

Bah so I still don't know what to do w/ my life and I've thought of living in an rv at college if they'd allow it to make it cheaper. They probably wouldn't allow that. Why does life have to get so complicated? I want to be involved in something where my life is being poured so much into children! that I won't even think of anything else. And I mean that in the way of like taking care of orphans or something. But there just doesn't seem to be a clear path and it is frustrating! When I am pouring love into others and serving, I forget about myself... I want that again. I want that to CONSUME my life! Their is a part of me forever holding that sweet little 9-year-old Ramon in Panama and humming little made-up songs to him. Those moments of sweetness are never lost and they are worth all! So why do I get so caught up in worrying? I have a picture on my bedside table of a little girl from Africa or something that says, "Is she worth it?" My heart says, "Yes! She is worth EVERYTHING!" But then all the things of life get in the way and those children become pictures on a TV screen. I want to make my life count,, but I really don't know how. I start dying when I start relying on myself and my own strength! Ahh! So frustrating! And I may not totally know how to preach the Gospel or do ministry, but I know how to LOVE people and love children, so why can't I just do that somehow? Lord help me! I hope u r doing well, and if you can understand any of this pain, let me know. I don't want to give up or settle just because it's hard, but I do need God to make a way and I need someone to tell me that my dreams aren't stupid and that I am not here for no reason. I don't understand why there is so much pain in the world and so much we can do nothing about, but I do know that it can all get a little better when we help with it. Pray 4 me. : ) Thanks. 

Comments

Guntzel Girls said…
I'm with you, girl! Your dreams aren't stupid. They're the cry of all our hearts when we just slow down long enough to listen. And maybe you can't be out on the mission field full-time right now. But you can make your life your mission field. You can get down on your knees and ask God to help you see the opportunities to minister all around you. That's what I've been learning lately, anyway. I love you and am praying for you.

~Amy~
March 20, 2012 at 6:07 PM
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