Back from Baja

Hello,

I'm now back from mission trip to Baja Mexico.  We were located near Tijuana.  My sister Brittany has lived near there before.  I was there about 3 weeks, mission trip for a week and Global Expeditions operations for about 2 weeks.  The trip was really good.  I like Mexico.  It was kind of hard when I was off my mission trip week because I had to branch out more to be more apart of the team.  I got to be a Missionary Advisor on my trip which was good.  I love the girls in my group!  We did VBS ministry, a house building project, and street evangelism.  I love the kids and I miss them.  We also had a free day and we went to a market in Rosalito.  The people there you could tell didn't have much.  They were desperate for us to buy something.  It was like we were there hope when we came in.  On one free day there we got to go to a market in Rosalito I had no money.  When the people came up to me asking if I wanted to buy something, instead I smiled at them and handed them a Gospel tract left over from my mission trip, saying, "Regalo" or gift.  It was all I had but I knew it was worth more than money.  I gave a few away to strangers too and they seemed happy just that I wanted to give them something.  I pray that they will take it to heart and it will not go to waste. 

           I am back on campus at the Honor Academy for our final couple of weeks here.  It's sinking in now that I'll be leaving soon.  It's sad.  It's real sad.  I have so many good friends here like I have never had before (besides mission trips--you get close fast on those).  I will miss them a lot.  I'm in the process of packing up my room and going through my Teen Mania email because the account will be deleted after I graduate.  I feel like I've learned to be a lot more open with people this year.  I'm definately working on it still though.  I've found that it's actually a lot easier to let people know what's going on than to let it build up inside or react on emotions and then have to deal with the consequences.  I guess mostly before the Honor Academy there weren't many consequences, follow up, accountability, etc.  It's good though.  It helps you grow.  I will miss my core advisor a lot, and Destiny.  I call Destiny my "twin".  She and I both work on custodial, have short dark hair and we hang out a lot.  She really is like a sister along with a lot of others here.  We do all live here and I'm starting to get the whole meaning of brothers and sisters in Christ.  It's good to live in community. 

           I got to go to the prayer room today and I didn't even realize how much I missed it.  I have to continually be seeking the Lord's presence instead of trying to do everything on my own.  My brother here James had about that written on his arm, it said "PRESENCE" in big letters with 1 Chronicles 16:11 as it's reference.  When I try on my own to do my life and be like well God, I'll see you when I can.  I fail and I get stressed out and feel like being lazy and not doing the right thing.  It's not good.  And today I asked James what else God has been teaching him and he said "That's it's all about the cross." and he went into how amazing it is that God Himself would even humble Himself to become a man in the first place is amazing and then that He would go on to die for us too is just beyond anything we could imagine really and it is so true.  When people humble themselves it's because we really aren't that powerful or great in the whole scheme of things, so us being humbled is being put where we belong or at least closer to it.  But God made the whole world, so He is greater and beyond all of it, so that He would humble Himself and become a small part of creation, out of a love for us, that is like unfathomable but so amazing, like looking out at the stars and seeing how many there are and being like that is so amazing.  Yeah and then He died for us too (Jesus Christ) and then it's like are you kidding!  Whoa!  It's like winning the lottery 7 times (7 is the number of completion)!  Yeah you'd just be dumbfounded and faint.  But it is that serious.  So when I started focusing on that and how great God is, everything else seemed to melt away.  I knew that I didn't have to worry because if God would do all of that, He really does care about me and will take care of me.   It is really reassuring.  We also had worship this morning and it was really good.  I was late and I felt bad and I was just going to stay in the back, but God was like, "No, come in closer.  It's not about what you have done that you act in accordance to, it is that despite your actions I am a merciful God and I accept you anyway.  It is about who I am and that I am worthy of your love and worship and I love you and forgive you.  It doesn't end at what you have done.  I give grace."  Yeah and it's so true because I should be grateful and accept that I can come in close even if I mess up and then try not to do it again because I am grateful for His grace, instead of giving up because I think I fail too often. 

           I'll be going home soon.  It's scaring.  I don't know what I'm doing yet or what my life will look like etc.  It's a bit overwhelming.  But I know God has good plans for me for a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11) and that God is working out all things together for good (Romans 8:28?).  Psalms 27 and 31 spoke to me today in a reassuring way.  And today in bigger letters I wrote on my arm, 'The Cross' and in smaller letters, 'all things new'.  Because He will make all things new.  Heard this song piece today and it really applied to how I feel right now: 

Set a fire down in my soul,

that I can't contain

that I can't control

I want more of you God

I want more of you God

No place I would rather be

(there's) No place I would rather be

(there's) No place I would rather be

than here in your love

here in your love. 

Because I have to keep going after God even when I feel too busy or whatever, because it has to be about Him and not filled with whatever else I put there.  Jesus bring conviction! 

I'm excited to see my family when I go home.  That'll be good.  I'm excited to see my church.  At Christmas when I was there, it just felt like "Home." and it was so good.  Today I got to worship with the interns here for the first time since I got back and that was really good too.  It's so good to be in the presence of God with a room full of others seeking fully after Him too.  He came to give life in all it's fullness (John 10:10) and I want to know Him more. 

I want to be consecrated!  (set apart as holy).  That has been my heart cry lately.  That I will be consecrated to God when I go home, no matter what, that He is still God through my circumstances and I can still praise Him. 

Poem I wrote today: 

Let your justice roll like a river.

Let your love wash over me like an ocean wave.

Bring me closer.

Draw me deeper. 

I want to know your heart

and be full of your presence God.

Give me faith to trust what you say,

that you're good and your love is great.

I'm powerless without you

and empty on my own.

All I am is yours

as I break at the foot of the cross

take take take it all

as I surrender all to you. 

I love you and praise you God.  Amen. 

Si Dios es por nosotros, quien contra nosotros? (Romanos 8:31)

(If God is for us, who can be against us? --Romans 8:31)

God bless my sleep and help me not to stress over going home and finishing up here.  Be with my family and protect them.  Keep me strong.  Reach my family.  Encounter these missionaries here and change lives abroad through the work of your hand.  I pray we would overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.  Thank you God for your sacrifice on the cross and that I am forgiven and no longer destined for hell.  Change the paths of those who are God.  Help them to know that it's not about what they've done, their doubts and fears, their weaknesses, their iniquities, but it's about your strength and power Lord and that you have overcome the world and you have the victory.  All glory, honor and praise be to you God!  In Jesus' holy and precious name I pray, Amen.  P.S. I love you Jesus.  : )